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Time With Your Baby

It is not only with deep sadness and sympathy that we welcome you to our page, but also with great love and compassion. Here we have a collection of ideas for things you can do in the precious time you have while your baby is with you. These ideas have come from bereaved parents all over the world, and also from my own experience of the stillbirth of my daughter Lily in 2011. They are suggestions, remember it is completely up to you what you choose to do when your baby is born, each of us is unique and will find our own path to healing. 

Meeting your baby will be an incredibly intense time emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. This is the only chance you have to spend time with your baby, make sure you do what feels right for you, take this precious time and do everything you want to do. You cannot have this time back, so honour all your wishes, don't be afraid of what others may think - this is your time, your baby and your process.


Meeting Your Baby 

♥ Hold your baby, cuddle them, touch them, kiss them.

♥ If you have a partner with you they can cut the umbilical cord.

♥ Unwrap your baby, see their whole body.

♥ Ask your midwife if you can bath your baby, then dress your baby afterwards. If you are nervous about anything don't worry, just ask for help.

♥ Talk to your baby, tell them how much you love them, sing to them or play them a lullaby.

♥ Read to them, tell them stories.

♥ See if other family members or close friends would like to come and meet your baby.

Make sure someone is there to take photos and footage for you of this very special time. I took hundreds of Lily after she was born. Some of the most helpful photos for later in my grieving process were ones I took of my friends looking at Lily, seeing the loving expressions on their faces as they gaze at her, these pictures help me to validate Lily's presence in my life, and somehow ground me in the reality of that precious and sacred time. 

♥ Arrange for Professional Remembrance Photography, it is my biggest regret that I didn't do this. I know that we would have some amazing photographs had we done it. They will be professionally retouched to even out any broken skin or blemishes, this is especially helpful if you feel that your photos might be disturbing to you later and will result in you having truly beautiful images to treasure.

♥ Take family photos, have ones taken of you holding your baby, take close-ups of their tiny feet and hands.


Making Memories With Your Baby 

♥ Make hand and foot prints, or ask your midwife to do it for you, they have experience of doing it and are usually happy to do it for you.

♥ Make an impression of your baby's hand and foot in an impression kit, again your midwife will help you to do this.

♥ If possible take a lock of hair.

♥ Video yourself reading to your baby. I love the footage we have of Patrick, Lily's daddy, reading to her.

♥ Invite family members to read to your baby and video this too. My dad wrote a poem for Lily and we videod him reading it to her, and my mum read her a bedtime story, this is so precious to us now. 

♥ Think about asking your midwife and the staff members who have cared for you in hospital to write you a message about their time with you and your baby in hospital.

♥ If you have a TV in your room consider watching a programme whilst you cuddle your baby. I was able to watch strictly come dancing, while holding Lily close, it gave me a little distraction from the reality of our situation and also a lasting memory.

♥ See if you can take your baby outside to let the sun kiss their cheek or be with them beneath the stars.

♥ Keep your baby's hospital bracelets.

♥ Ask a family member to buy the news paper on the day of your baby's birth.

Ask someone to photograph the sunrise and sunset on the day your baby was born.

♥ Ask if it can be arranged for you to take your baby home for a short while, if you have concerns talk them through with someone who can help. We took Lily home for a few hours, though I had some fears, I'm so glad we made it happen. Our funeral director brought us a crib to carry Lily home in, and then came to our home later that evening to take her to the chapel of rest. My biggest worry was that a neighbour might see us bringing Lily home and think that she was alive, and then I'd have to explain, and I couldn't cope with that. So my family went to our neighbours and explained what was happening, they gave us their love and blessings, and I felt secure enough to fulfil my deep wish to have Lily home with us for a while. I am eternally grateful to everyone who helped make that possible. 

http://whenyourbabydies.com This is a very helpful American website that has detailed information on all aspects of bringing your baby home.

http://whenyourbabydies.com Why parents take their baby home printable leaflet.


♥ If you have two identical teddies swap with your baby, you keep the one that has been with them, and give them the one that has been with you.


I hope this has given you some ideas of the kind of things you can do to make the most of this precious time you have with your baby. Please remember that they are simply suggestions, you must do what suits you and your family during this time. We send our warmest hugs and deepest love to you and your dear little one.